When Expectations Collide: The Hidden Source of Career Stress (and How to Break Free)

You know the feeling.

The Sunday scaries hit harder than usual.

Your inbox is overflowing—but not with anything that excites you.

And in your latest 1:1, your manager praised your work—but somehow, you still felt… unseen.

You’re not burned out.

You’re misaligned.

And that misalignment isn’t just frustrating.

It’s exhausting.

Welcome to the career crossroads where expectations collide.

The Real Reason You Feel Stuck

Most professionals don’t quit their jobs because they can’t handle the workload.

They leave because the version of success being sold to them doesn’t match what success feels like for them.

This isn’t about performance. It’s about fit.

• Maybe you value autonomy, but your role rewards conformity.

• Maybe you’re wired for strategic thinking, but you’re buried in task work.

• Maybe you want to lead, but you’re being managed.

The hardest part? Most of us don’t speak up—not because we lack ambition, but because we’ve internalized a harmful idea:

That honoring our own expectations is somehow selfish.

The Reframe That Changes Everything

As former FBI negotiator Chris Voss teaches, the most powerful shifts don’t come from telling—they come from asking.

Start here:

• “How does what you’re expecting from me align with what success looks like in this role?”

• “What would need to be true for both of us to feel like we’re winning?”

• “What do you see in me that makes you believe this is the right direction?”

These aren’t just tactical negotiation questions.

They’re invitations—to understand, realign, and reframe.

Because the goal isn’t to fight expectations.

The goal is to calibrate them—with clarity and courage.

A Note to Leaders: Are You Creating Misalignment?

If you manage others, this isn’t just about your growth.

It’s about theirs.

Misalignment often hides in plain sight—behind missed deadlines, low engagement, or that hard-to-name “something feels off” vibe in your 1:1s.

Before assuming underperformance, ask yourself:

• Am I seeing this person’s true strengths—or just fitting them into what I need?

• Am I pushing them into a box they’ve outgrown?

• Have I made space for them to share what energizes (or drains) them?

When you lead with curiosity—not control—you create space for authentic contribution, not forced compliance.

And when someone feels truly seen and trusted, their performance often shifts without you ever needing to “fix” it.

Know Your Value—Then Lead From It

This work starts with one radical (and often uncomfortable) truth:

You have to be the first one to recognize your own value.

Not your title.

Not your output.

Not your potential.

Your value is what you bring when you’re fully seen, aligned, and energized.

It’s the insight you offer in messy moments.

The way you stabilize a team under pressure.

The questions you ask that no one else is brave enough to ask.

When you know your value, you stop trying to meet every expectation—and start shaping the ones that matter.

Think Win-Win: The Habit That Sets You Free

Stephen Covey’s 4th habit—Think Win-Win—is often misunderstood as people-pleasing.

It’s not.

It’s the habit of abundance, not appeasement.

It requires you to believe two things at once:

• That your needs are valid.

• And that others’ needs are, too.

Whether you’re navigating your own next chapter or leading a team through theirs, alignment unlocks performance—but only when it’s rooted in mutual understanding.

It’s in that space—between self-respect and shared success—that real growth happens.

What This Means for You

If you’re feeling that low-grade hum of career stress, pause before you power through.

Ask yourself:

• Whose expectations am I carrying?

• Do they reflect who I am—or just who I’ve been trying to be?

• What would a win-win look like from here?

And if you’re a leader:

• Am I creating a container for my team to show up fully?

• What assumptions am I making about what they want—or what they’re capable of?

You may not have all the answers yet.

But clarity begins when you stop apologizing for your own needs—and start designing your career (and your team) around what’s real.

Ready to Realign?

Upshift Coaching helps ambitious professionals and people leaders navigate misalignment, unlock performance, and lead with clarity.

👉 Explore our coaching frameworks or reach out to learn how we help leaders and teams level up—without losing themselves in the process.